


all my life I wasn't honest enough

by emilia_kaisa



Category: New Blood (TV)
Genre: Angst, Feels, How Do I Tag, M/M, Miscommunication, More angst, Not Beta Read, Pining, Wedding Planning, it's illogical, our boys can't communicate and admit their feelings, this is a mess, this is cheesy af
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-12
Updated: 2017-11-12
Packaged: 2019-02-01 10:30:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,989
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12703119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emilia_kaisa/pseuds/emilia_kaisa
Summary: Life was good. Life was simple.And then everything went to shit.‘I’m getting married.’(aka Stefan gets married and Rash really can't take it)





	all my life I wasn't honest enough

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, my beautiful fandom! Hope you accept this thing, it was fun to write although I know it's not perfect. But I like it with all its flaws. Enjoy!
> 
> (title from Sahara pt II by Bears Den)

 

Rash liked his life. He had a job he loved, great family and a nice flat. He also had that crazy flatmate- slash- friend-slash- pain in the ass named Stefan Kowolski to share his free time with. He would never say that out loud, but he really enjoyed Stefan’s presence in his life. He was loud and messy and totally irresponsible, but Rash wouldn’t switch him with anyone. Because after all, he was pretty great, with these warm eyes and goofy smiles of him and surprisingly good cooking skills. 

So yeah, there was nothing better than coming home after challenging day at work and then spending a nice evening with beer in hand and sport on tv, and Stefan by his side.

It was good. It was simple.

And then everything went to shit. 

‘I’m getting married.’ Stefan announced, his eyes glued to a tv screen, and Rash almost choked on his beer. He was about to laugh and make a comment about his poor sense of humour but smile died on his lips when he looked at Stefan’s face. 

‘Wait, are you serious?’ 

‘I’m not joking about stuff like that.’ Stefan said, his voice stiff.

Rash wasn’t able to wrap his mind around it. He didn’t even know that Stefan was meeting someone, and they were living with each other a few months now. Apparently he had a little knowledge about his flatmate. His friend. 

‘Why?’ the question escaped his mouth and it sounded stupid and childish, but Rash didn’t care. He wanted to know. 

Stefan didn’t answer right away and Rash could see how his face fell even more, deep shadows moving on his face. 

‘She’s pregnant.’ he finally said and Rash could literally feel his heart dropping to his stomach. Stefan watched his face, clearly waiting for him to say anything, but Rash wasn’t able to articulate anything. The Pole looked lost and desperate for words Rash didn’t have. Only when Stefan turned around and started walking towards his room helped the other man to speak.

‘You don’t have to get married because of that.’ he managed to say. Stefan stopped, but he didn’t turn to look at Rash, as if he wanted to hide his face from him.

‘This is the right thing o do.’ he simply said and walked away, leaving Rash with something that felt a bit like a broken heart. 

* * *

‘He’s what?!’

‘Engaged. Because his mystery girlfriend I didn’t know existed is pregnant.’

‘Well fuck.’ Leila exclaimed loudly and poured Rash another glass of liquor. 

‘Yeah.’ 

‘When are they planning to do that?’

‘Next month.’

‘What?! Are they crazy?’

‘She’s Polish too and it’s apparently the best to get married as soon as possible.’ Rash sighed and took a big gulp of his drink. It had been a week and he still couldn’t come to terms with that situation. 

‘It’s 21 st century, for fuck’s sake.’ Leila snarled, but then her face softened ‘What about Stefan?’

‘He’s trying to be responsible, for once in his life.’ he spat out, taking another sip. Leila studied his face carefully, as if she was seeing something he didn’t know.

‘And how are you?’

‘Well, I’m his best man, apparently, so I’ll have a lot of dumb...’

‘That’s not what I’m asking.’ she said softly and Rash’s heart skipped a beat. 

‘I’m fine. Just surprised.’

It was a lie. He knew that and Leila knew that. But that was easier and simplier. He didn’t need to think about it, because it wouldn’t bring anything good. He just had to face the truth- his best friend was getting married and all he could do was to help him. It wasn’t that he was losing him, right? They would still hang out. They just wouldn’t share a life together. 

And that was damn scary.

* * *

 

Rash was about to meet a future bride and saying that he was nervous would be an misunderstatement. He felt sick, standing with Stefan in front of a store and waiting for her- Anna- to show up. Stefan had insisted that Rash needed to meet her finally and apparently buying a suit was a perfect occasion. 

They barely talked to each other, he and Stefan. They were circling around each other, couldn’t go back to that comfortable atmosphere that had been always surrounding them. Stefan looked a bit lost and that wasn’t helping Rash, who was somehow angry at him. He was angry that he had never told him about Anna, he was angry that he was suddenly so noble and responsible, he was angry that there was no way back to how it had been before. 

But somehow he forced himself to speak, when the stiff silence between started to feel too uncomfortable.

‘So, when are your parents coming?’ he asked, trying to sound lightly. Stefan’s parents had came back to Poland a few years earlier so now they had to make a trip to their son’s wedding. Rash wondered what they thought about that. They were probably happy that their son would settle down. 

‘Two days before the wedding.’ 

So, two weeks. Rash yet again felt sick at the reminder how close the date was.

‘There she is.’ Stefan said suddenly and Rash was surprised by the sound on his voice. There was relief in it, that was in contrast with how he looked most of the time. Of course Rash knew that Stefan had some warm good feelings for Anna, but until this moment he was sure that he didn’t want to marry her. Now, he wasn’t so sure. Maybe Stefan was just nervous, but in fact he loved her?

The thought made his heart ache. 

Anna was a small woman with blonde hair falling to her shoulders and a shy smile. She was pretty and looked nice and kind. She shook Rash’s hand and kissed Stefan’s cheek, and then Rash noticed that her baby bump was already visible and Rash couldn’t help but stare at it.

‘Hey, are you coming inside?’ Stefan asked, raising his eybrows in a quastion ‘You need a new tie too, you know.’ for a second his usual smirk was back but Rash couldn’t smile back at him.

‘I’ll just make a quick call and join you in a second.’

‘Okay.’ Stefan nodded, his face a blank mask again, and he lead Anna inside.

Once they stepped in Rash took his phone out of a pocket and dialed Leila’s number, praying she wasn’t at work. Thankfully, she answered after the second ring. 

‘Hey big bro, what’s up?’

‘I’m shopping with Stefan and his girl and I don’t think I can handle it.’ he said quickly, catching his breath with difficulty. 

‘Oh.’ Leila was clearly concerned ‘Wait, are you at that store you’re buying your work suits?’

‘Yeah.’ he had recomended it to Stefan, since it wasn’t horribly expensive and clothes were nice.

‘I’m fifteen minutes away, I’m coming.’ she said and Rash felt a bit better.

‘Thank you.’ Rash sighed with relief ‘I’ll be inside.’

He took a deep breath and walked in. Stefan and Anna were talking quietly in Polish, apparently deep in discussion. Rash looked at them and he realized, with a painful sting in his heart, that they could be happy together. They had a chance to create a happy family, so why every look at them was like a punch to Rash’s gut?

He didn’t understand that, or he didn’t want to understand. He had no right to do anything, anyway.

‘Good you’re here.’ Stefan’s voice broke his train of thought ‘Which one is best?’

Rash blinked rapidly and tried to focus. Stefan was pointing at two suits, one deep dark blue and one completely black.

‘Umm, that one.’ he pointed the navy blue one. He wanted to add that the other one looked like something you would were on a funeral, but he bit his tongue. Stefan looked at Anna, who didn’t look convinced at all. 

‘I’ll try both.’ Stefan decided and disappeared in a changing room, leaving Rash and Anna in awkward silence. 

‘So’ Anna started after a moment ‘how long you two know each other?’ her voice was steady, although Rash could hear pretty strong Polish accent in her words. 

‘A few months.’ Rash tried to answer as effortlessly as possible ‘Actually, I wanted to ask you the same.’ he said bluntly and she saw how she tensed, her hand travelling to her stomach. 

‘We had a thing about four months ago.’ Anna finally said, not looking Rash in the eyes ‘We didn’t want anything more, but... stuff happened.’ she shrugged his shoulders and Rash felt totally lost.

‘Why are you getting married then?’ he knew he sounded like some asshole, but honestly, he didn’t understand that. Why the hell they were commit for life when they clearly hadn’t planned it?

‘That’s the right thing to do.’ she said firmly and Rash decided that he hated that phrase with passion. He was looking for something more to say when Stefan stepped out of the changing room, dressed in a black suit and Rash forgot what he was going to say. 

He apparently also forgot how good Stefan could look in a suit.

‘What do you think?’ he asked, smiling lightly, and Anna smiled widely. 

‘You look great. It’s very nice suit. Traditional.’

If Rash wasn’t lost for words he would probably appretiate that even though she was talking to Stefan, she was still speaking in English, so Rash wouldn’t feel excluded. But Rash could not think about anything in that moment.

‘Rash?’ Stefan raised his eyebrows ‘What do you think?’

‘It’s nice.’ Rash coughed so his voice wasn’t so hoarse ‘You look nice.’

‘Well thank you. I’m gonna try the other one.’ 

Rash was alone with Anna and he felt like he would explode, but then he heard the front door opening and an angel appeared. That angel was Leila, who approached them with a confident and wide smile, stepping close to Anna.

‘Hey there! I’m Leila, Rash’s sister. I guessed one more pair of women’s eyes wouldn’t hurt.’

‘Anna, hi.’ Stefan’s fiance smiled a bit shyly ‘Thanks for coming, I felt outnumbered.’ 

‘Men are hopeless when it comes to shopping.’ Leila rolled her eyes and Rash was half grateful and half impressed; his sister was better than he expected. 

Leila’s eyes travelled to Anna’s stomach before she spoke again.

‘I hope you don’t mind me asking, but which month?’

Anna looked confused for a moment, so Leila was quick to explain.

‘I’m a nurse, so you’ve to forgive me, it’a a habit.’ she said charmingly and Rash could swear there was something strange in Anna’s eyes when she gazed at Rash for the shortest of moment before looking at Leila again.

‘Fourth.’

‘Amazing.’ Leila smiled widely ‘Soon you could tell gender of the baby. Congrats, by the way.’

‘Thank you.’ Anna returned the smile, but for some reason she looked a bit stiff.

His sister’s cool behaviour helped Rash to calm down too. But then his nerves were faced with major difficulties again, because Stefan stepped out again, wearing that blue navy suit.

‘What about... oh hey, Leila!’

‘Hey! Woah, that’s a really nice suit, don’t you think?’ she looked at Rash, who was only able to nod shortly.

‘It looks better that I expected.’ Anna admitted with a smile. 

‘And it’s twenty pounds cheaper.’ Stefan said, checking the price. ‘I guess I’d take that one, what do you think?’

‘Yeah, I guess it’s okay.’ she nodded.

They spent next half on hour for picking a shirt and ties for Stefan and Rash. Thanks to Leila’s presence Rash felt more comfortable than before, but he still didn’t feel fully good. So when they were about to come back home he was grateful when Leila grabbed his elbow and said loudly that she needed him to help her at home with something very important. 

‘See you tonight then.’ Stefan said, his voice and eyes a bit unsure.

‘Thanks.’ Rash muttered to Leila as they walked away.

‘Yeah, no prob. By the way, she’s lying.’ 

‘What?’ Rash stopped and looked at her, searching for the sign that she was joking. 

‘There’s no way she’s in four month unless she has twins. But that’s why I told her about gender, she’s d told me if she had twins, right?’

‘Stefan didn’t mention anything.’ Rash said, trying to desperately search his memory for any information ‘He was with her on an apponyment some time ago, he’d tell me.’

‘So you tell me that she’s lying?’ 

It was crazy. It was totally and utterly ridoculous and Rash coulnd’t wrap his mind about it.

‘Well, I can’t say I’m one hundred percent sure, but it’s very, very possible.’ 

Oh God. Oh God. Rash felt weak, as if all energy left his body. It was just too much to handle, all that burden with Stefan’s sudden wedding and now that. 

‘I’m gonna stay at home tonight.’ he said, exhausted, and Leila’s face softened as she took him by the hand and lead to a bus station. 

Rash spent most of the evening in his bed, staring at the ceiling. He had texted Stefan that he would stay with his mom and Leila for till the next day. Then he turned his phone off, trying to think calmly about what had happened. It all escalated way too quickly, before Rash even had a chance to figure out what was he feeling. 

Because how he felt, exactly? 

Whe he thought about Stefan getting married he felt angry. Betrayed. But now he thought that maybe there was something more, something he could see through that layers of anger and hurt. 

There was a knock on the door and after a second he saw Leila, holding a cup of tea in her hand.

‘Can I?’ she asked and he just moved on his bed, making her place next to him ‘Here you go.’ she said, handing him the cup ‘So, have you thought about it?’

‘I was trying to.’ Rash admitted with a worn out smile and took a sip.

‘Are you going to tell him?’

‘That his fiance might be lying to him? I don’t know. What if they hooked up earlier?’

‘She’d say.’ Leila said confidently, but Rash wasn’t so sure. 

‘I don’t know, Leila.’ he sighed, looking at the cup in hi hands.

‘Hey.’ he felt her warm hand on his shoulder ‘What’s the matter?’

‘I don’t want them to get married.’ he blurted out. He knew that it was wrong, that he shouldn’t say thing like that, but Leila stayed silent, so he continued talking ‘I’m awful, I know. Maybe I don’t know anything about their relationship. Maybe they’ll be happy together and raise their kids in a loving home. I know I’ve no right, but...’ he took a deep breath ‘I just don’t get it. He’s the most irresponsible and irritating person I know. When he told me about the marriage he was miserable, hell, even yesterday he looked like a shadow of a person. But when I saw them today they were all about secretive smiles and quiet talks in Polish. And I hate that, Leila. What kind of a friend does that?’

Leila’s silence made him realize what he had just said. He felt stupid for a moment, but then he decided that it was a good thing. At least now it was a bit more clear for himself and for Leila.

‘Oh, Rash.’ she sighed finally, and he met her soft eyes ‘You’re really scared of losing him, aren’t you?’

‘Yeah.’ 

‘You need to talk to him. About everything.’

‘Everything?’

‘I think so.’ Leila gave him an encouraging smile ‘But the decision is only yours.’ she kissed his temple and left him to battle with his thoughts again.

* * *

 

They hadn’t talked about that. 

Rash tried so many times, but in the end there was always something on the way. Stefan rushing somewhere to do something- he was barely present these days, occupied with preparation; or it was just Rash, his stupid heart trying to escape from his chest, and the fact that he was a fucking coward. He kept telling himself that he had time. That he would talk to Stefan, ask him about his feelings to Anna, hint what Leila had told him. 

But one day he came back from work and saw Stefan’s parents in the living room, and he almost fell down when the realization hit him. That was it. 

‘Hello.’ Stefan’s mother smiled at Rash warmly. She was pretty tiny, with blonde hair and wrinkles around her eyes. She had a kind face and Rash noticed that her eyes were only a shade darker than Stefan’s ‘You must be Rash? I’m Marta, Stefan’s mom.’

‘It’s nice to meet you.’ Rash said, forcing himself to smile. Then Stefan’s father stepped closer, extending his hand.

‘Piotr, Stefan’s father. He told us a lot about you.’

‘Oh really?’ Rash didn’t have too much idea what to say, his mind occupied with different things. He wondered where Stefan was, he for sure hadn’t left his parents like that.

‘Stefan’s taking the call in the other room.’ Marta explained, apparently noticing Rash’s struggle. 

‘Yeah, okay... So, do you want something to drink?’ Rash asked; all he wanted to do was to hide in his room, but Stefan’s parents were nice and he didn’t want to offend them in any way. 

‘No, thank you, we’re good.’ Marta said with a smile ‘We’re here just for a moment, Stefan’ll help us get to my sister’s flat.’

‘We’re staying there for a few days.’ Piotr added and Rash felt pressure in his chest when he thought about what was coming so soon. 

‘I understand.’ Rash nodded, feeling ash in his mouth. But despite his own feelings he noticed that Stefan’s parents didn’t look thrilled about that marriage either. Just as the though appeared in his mind, Marta spoke again, smile still on her lips, but eyes careful.

‘Don’t you think they’re rushing it a little bit?’

‘Well...’ Rash wanted to yell his approval to that statement, but somehow it felt like a betrayal ‘Stefan believes it’s the right thing to do.’ he said finally and he noticed how Piotr rolled his eyes, but didn’t say a word.

‘Of course he does.’ Marta sighed ‘But I still... well, doesn’t matter.’ she smiled slightly at Rash and clearly wanted to say something more, but then they heard door cracking open and Stefan entered the room, narrowing his eyes slightly when he saw Rash. 

‘Hi.’ he said, a bit awkwardly, avoiding his eyes quickly.

‘Hey.’ Rash greeted him and man, that was getting really painful, but luckily Marta was an angel sent from the sky. She said something to Stefan in Polish, smiling brightly, and Stefan nodded.

‘I’ll go with my parents to my aunt’s, I’ll be back soon.’ he said to Rash. 

‘Sure.’ 

‘It was very nice too meet you.’ Marta said, squeezing his hand. Piotr patted his schoulder lightly and said his goodbyes before they all grabbed their luggage and left. 

Rash went to the kicthen and took a bottle of beer out of it. He took a big sip, trying to get rid of that weird taste in his mouth. He knew that he still could do something, say something, anything, but at the same time he knew that he wouldn’t. Because that would be selfish and wrong, and he should be better than that.

At least he believed that.

Stefan had told him a few days earlier that he wouldn’t want any bachelor night or anything. Rash didn’t mind; it would be beyond hard for him to pretend that he was happy for him. Stefan had apparently come to terms with that situation and was pretty calm all the time- such a difference from a miserable expression he used to wear. 

Rash finished his beer and decided to take a quick shower before Stefan would be back. He was sure he had plenty of time, convinced that Stefan would probably stay at his aunt’s place to drink some tea or something.

Well, he was wrong. 

Of course he had to bump into Stefan the second he stepped out of the bathroom, his hair still damp from the shower. He blinked in surprise as they eyes meet, standing unusually close. A few weeks earlier it would be totally normal and comfortable, but now it felt just awkward. Rash could feel his cheeks heating up and he actually had too lok away, the moment suddenly becoming way too intense way too quickly. 

‘You were quick.’ he said, and immediately felt stupid. That was so stupid. Everything was stupid and pointless, and Rash just wanted to disappear. 

‘We’d luck.’ Stefan said shortly, but there was something odd in his voice and Rash suddenly felt as if something broke inside him.

‘Are you happy?’ he blurted out and then froze, horrified with what he just said. He shouldn’t be asking questions like that, he had no right; what was he even thinking, bringing that subject in their smalfucking corridor?

Stefan just stared at him, eyes wise open, his face a mix of emotions Rash couldn’t read.

‘Why are you asking?’ 

Good question. 

‘Nevermind.’ he said, trying to pass Stefan by and hide in his room. But then he felt Stefan’s strong grip on his arm and he turned around, looking at the other man again. 

‘Hey.’ he said, his eyes a shade darker than usual. He looked almost angry and Rash had no idea what it was about ‘Talk to me.’ 

‘There’s nothing to talk about.’ Rash tried to get away, not too hard though. 

‘Oh really.’ Stefan sounded bitter ‘That’s why you’re avoiding me? I can’t remember last time we had a normal talk.’

‘Let me go.’ Rash tried once again, but Stefan was stronger, looking at him with hard eyes.

‘Just tell me what’s the matter.’ he urged and Rash gave up, letting a bit of his frustration out.

‘You’re getting married!’ he spat out and he watched as Stefan inhaled sharply why his own heart was beating so fast he thought it could left bruises.

Stefan stepped closer, looking at Rash as if he was searching for an answer.

‘What’s wrong with that?’ he asked, his voice slightly hoarse, and Rash wanted so much to give him an answer. He had a thousand answers, thousands of words he didn’t dare to speak, because they were so wrong. 

_ She might be fooling you. _

_ Don’t do it. _

_ I don’t want to lose you. _

_ I want to kiss you. _

_ Please.  _

‘Let me go.’ he asked once again, his voice quiet and pleading, and Stefan looked as if Rash slapped him. He let go of his hand and took a steo back, looking so hurt it actually broke Rash’s heart. He wished so much for thing to be different. Maybe if he had been more brave before, it would be. But he hadn’t been and now it was too late anyway. 

At least he tried to believe that.

* * *

 

 

The wather was nice. The church looked pretty. People were dressed in elegant chlothes, smiling and laughing.

Rash was feeling so sick he was afraid he could actually throw up.

Stefan was standing a few metres away, talking with his parents. Marta looked over her son’s shoulder and for a moment their eyes met; she gave him a reassuring smile, as if she could somehow sense how he was feeling. He tried to smile back, but all he could get out what some weird grimace. 

‘Hey.’ Leila put her hand on his shoulder ‘How are you holding on?’

‘I’m fine.’ he said through gritted teeth. They both knew it was a lie, but neither of them commented on it.

‘You still can do something.’ Leila said quietly and Rash shook his head.

‘No, I can’t.’

‘Rash...’

‘Listen, I know. I could’ve done something earlier. Don’t you think I know?’

‘Then why didn’t you?’

‘Look at him.’ Rash glared at Stefan, who was no talking to his future mother-in-law ‘He’s good. I can’t just throw all of my feelings on him like that.’

‘But Anna might be cheating.’ Leila hissed.

‘I know, but I don’t even have a solid proof, just your suspicion. And what if I’m wrong? I could run everything, and I... he looks happy, Leila. At first I doubted, but now...’ he shrugged his shoulders. Leila still wasn’t convinced, he could see that on her face.

‘I just hate seeing you so heartbroken.’ she said quietly and he didn’t even deny. 

‘I’ll be fine.’ he promised and even managed to smile a little. 

Leila squeezed his shoulder gently and in that moment he was so grateful to have her it almost hurt.

A taxi stopped in front of a church and Rash could see Anna’s white dress.

His heart stuttered in his chest as he watched Stefan walk to the car and helping her. Feeling a little bit dizzy, he turned around and walked into the church.

The mass was in English, but Rash had trouble focusing on what the priest was saying. Everything was a little bit blurry and he was seriosuly scared he would faint at any second. 

Maybe he should pull a movie move and when the priest would ask about any objections, he would stand up and yell? Wait, it was a Catholic mass, did they have that moment? Could he even do that, after all these weeks of misery and telling himself that he had no right to do so? 

He had never felt so desperate before and with sudden clarity he decided- fuck it. 

Rash opened his mouth as he started standing up, when suddenly he heard some noise behind him and someone yelling ‘no’. 

Rash turned around, noticing that Stefan and Anna’s best maid stood up too. 

There was a man walking towards them; he looked pretty normal- tall, with dark eyes and curly hair. He stopped a few metres away from them and Rash heard when Anna drew in a sharp breath. 

‘You can’t marry her.’ the guy said with a slight Spanish accent, looking directly at Stefan.

Rash turned slightly so he could look at his friend, who looked utterly confused. The only person who looked more lost was the priest, who clearly wasn’t sure what to do right away. Apparenty things like that didn’t happen as often as he was tricked into believing. The church was now filled with voices, guests trying to understand what was going on. 

Rash was confused beyond imagination, but it took him only a few short moments to more or less understand what was going on. 

‘Shit.’ he muttered and for a second felt bad for swearing in church, but he had bigger problem than that. That problem stood in fron of him, clenching his fists and looking kind of desperate. Desperate people were the most dangerous, Rash knew that very well. He could hear Anna talking something in Polish behind him, her voice shaking with sobs. Then it was Stefan, his voice surprisingly steady and calm. Rash saw Stefan’s and Anna’s parents coming a bit closer, looking unsure of what should they do. The guy in front of him moved a bit nervously and Rash immediately felt his instincts kicking in.

‘Whoa, easy man.’ he said, trying to sound friendly ‘I don’t know what’s your problem, but let them talk.’ 

The stranger looked over Rash’s shoulder and he could see how his jaw tensed, shadows in his eyes. 

‘What’s going on?’ Piotr asked, finally deciding to join. Rash just shrugged his shoulders, his eyes searching for Leila. After a moment he found her and she nodded, making her way to him. Rash turned again, searching for Stefan, and found him next to the altar, where he was talking with the priest quietly. Anna was crying in her braidsmaid’s arms a few metres away. 

Stefan shook hands with the incredibly confused priest and made his way to Rash and the rest of the people. Rash didn’t know what to expect, but for sure he didn’t expect Stefan to look so calm; he walked over to the guy, put a hand on his shoulder shortly and said ‘Wish you luck, man.’

Everyone was so stunned they didn’t say anything, they didn’t react, they just stared at Stefan, who simply walked out of the church. 

Rash stood there like that, frozen, trying to process what had just happened. It didn’t make any sesnse, the way Stefan reacted, as if he wasn’t just interrupted on his fucking wedding day.

‘Rash.’ Leila hissed, grabbing him by the elbow ‘Go.’

‘What?’

‘Go after him for fuck’s sake, I’ll stay here.’ she almost pushed him to start walking. He saw Marta standing nearby, looking concerned but not utterly shocked; she was talking with Anna’s mother who looked as if she was going to faint at any second. 

Rash panicked a little bit when he left the church and he didn’t see Stefan anywhere. Feeling a bit dizzy, he moved, still trying to wrap his mind around all of that; it felt so surreal Rash almost couldn’t believe it was actually happening. Just a few minutes earlier he was dying inside and now... now he was confused. He understood that Leila’s theory was right and that Spanish guy was probably the father. It was good that it all was cleared out, but he couldn’t help but worry about Stefan, about how he was feeling. It must have been so hard for him, Rash couldn’t even imagine. 

For a moment he didn’t know what to do, undecided, and the he rushed to the tube. He had a feeling that Stefan would come home. 

Rash made his way to their flat in a record time- only a bit over thrirty minutes- and when he enetered he was all sweaty, his breathing quick and ragged.

‘Stefan?’

‘Present.’ he heard coming from the living room, so he walked over there quickly. Stefan was sitting on a sofa, a glass of liquor in his hand. He was still wearing his fancy wedding clothes, but without jacket and a tie. 

‘Hey.’ Rash said carefully, getting closer to his friend ‘Umm, how are you holding up?’

‘I’m fine.’ Stefan shrugged his shoulders and took a sip of his drink and okay, that was weird. Rash was confused beyond imagination and had no idea what to do. Stefan looked incredibly calm for someone who had just called their wedding off.

‘I’m really sorry, man.’ he said, feeling that he should say something like that, but Stefan just chuckled shortly. Maybe he was a little drunk already, Rash suspected. That wasn’t normal.

‘He’s the father, you know.’ Stefan said suddenly and Rash’s heart dropped to his stomach ‘That guy.’

‘I suspected it wasn’t mine anyway.’ he added and it was the last thing Rash expected to hear.

‘What?’

‘Leila had said something that made me thinking. So yeah, it wasn’t a shock, I guess.’ he took another sip, apparently not noticing how shocked Rash was. Honestly, that didn’t make any sense.

‘Why did you want to marry her then?’ Rash asked, feeling sparks of anger burning inside him. That was ridiculous.

Stefan sighed and finally looked at Rash.

‘I know Anna for a long time. She’s a good person, really.’

‘Yeah, hard to believe.’ Rash spat out.

‘She didn’t deserve to do that on her own, okay? She told me in the church that he had left her and she was terrified... I know, it was fucking wrong of her, but I can understand her.’

‘This is fucking ridiculous.’ Rash walked around the room, standing in front of Stefan ‘I still don’t understand why didn’t you confront her with your suspicions.’

‘That was a bit egoistic of me.’ Stefan said, looking at his glass.

‘What on Earth are you talking about?’ Rash was slowly getting furious, after all these weeks of misery and pain. He didn’t understand shit and that was infuriating. 

‘I guess I kinda wanted to use her to forget about someone.’ Stefan said slowly, eyes looking down at his hands and Rash felt as if someone punched him. Of course, that was his fucking luck. Maybe Stefan wasn’t going to marry anyone soon, but he was in love with someone. Great. Just great. 

Rash suddenly felt exhausted by that rollercoaster of feelings he was on. It would be great if he could just hide somewhere and sleep until he would wake up not being so pathetic. 

His feeling must have been written all over his face, because Stefan narrowed his eyes at him and put the glass on the table. 

‘Rash, are you okay?’

‘Yeah, I’m great.’ he said, feeling as if he was about to explode. 

‘Hey, I know today was a bit rough, but...’

Rash chuckled at these words, the sound more hysterical than anything. 

Seriosusly, he had to get out of there. That was some comic shit straight out of tv and he didn’t want any part of this anymore. He moved toward the door, but Stefan stood up quickly and stopped in front of him, not letting him pass. Their eyes met and Rash could swear he could see a waves of elevtricity between them.

And then he decided he was done with these stupid games and misunderstandings. 

He surged forward and crashed his lips into Stefan’s, his hands cupping his face. He didn’t think, but his body knew exactly what to do, pulling the other man closer. 

Stefan kissed him back without any hesitation, one of his hands wrapping around Rash’s waist, and if Rash was able to think he would be wondering about that. 

They kissed until they ran out of air and a little bit longer, until they had to move apart, deep breaths and eyes wide open. 

‘Seriously.’ Stefan muttered, his hand touching Rash’s temple slightly and Rash almost leaned into the touch. 

Rash didn’t know what to say, too stunned to say anything, feeling a bit dizzy and overwhelmed. It weny from awful to good pretty rapidly, but he sill wasn’t sure where they were standing. 

‘I had to almost get married to have you kiss me.’ Stefan added and Rash let out a quiet chuckle.

‘I was dying inside.’ he admitted, moving a bit closer, their noses brushing against each other, the touch sending shiver down Rash’s spine. 

‘Why didn’t you say anything?’

‘I wanted, God knows how much. But you started to look happy and I thought... I didn’t know.’

‘I was hopeful.’ Stefan admitted, his eyes filled with honesty and Rash felt a sting of pain.

‘I’m sorry.’ he said, and he meant it. Stefan was calm about that whole Anna situation, but it must have been at least a bit hard for Stefan, who was slowly getting used to the idea of having a family. 

‘It’s okay.’ Stefan said ‘I’m okay. But can we just... take things slow?’

‘Yeah, sure.’ Rash said, moving back a little bit more. His brain was still catching up to everything that had happened, but he could finally feel light, and- happy. He finally was feeling happy. 

‘Not that slow.’ Stefan muttered and kissed him, and Rash couldn’t help but smile into that kiss, laughetr bubbling somewhere deep in his chest. 

‘Look at us, groom and a best man.’ Stefan said with a sign of his usual smirk that Rash hadn’t seen for way too long ‘It’s like a beggining of some weird porn movie.’

‘Shut up.’ Rash ordered, silencing him with another kiss, because now he could do that, and he would. 

They still had so much stuff to talk about. Rash still wasn’t sure what the hell Stefan had been thinking, but he had a feeling they would be good. Things wouldn’t be the same as they used to, but they could be better. They would manage. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading, love you all!


End file.
